František Bloudek

“During one of my visits to Litoměřice, my mum was recalling her brother, saying: ‘Poor Fanda, he enjoyed nothing of life! So late had he married and so soon he had died.’ He got married at thirty-five… At that time I was already in my forties and was still living alone, so I objected: ‘You feel sorry for uncle that he got married late but don’t feel sorry for me?’ She just waved her hand: ‘But that’s a different thing!’ That was the end of it. She asked me nothing, explained nothing and I asked her nothing either. From that I gather that mother’s second husband who was a psychopath but no moron probably realized who I was.”

“I was fairly popular at work but an inconvenient thing had happened: I had an affair with one boy who was later diagnosed with syphilis. According to the law, every such person had to for reasons of prevention report to his general practitioner all his intimate contacts. The doctor’s office then called my employer, reached the director who was naturally curious about what’s happening. The doctor probably told him in full. On the grapevine, the whole bureau learned that I am gay. The atmosphere cooled down and darkened. The directress of the personal unit who was formerly in love with me stopped greeting me and it had also other effects. For instance, I used to go with a colleague to inspections. Even before I used to receive lower fee than him but ever since this event I got nothing at all. And when I asked why, they told me: ‘Zdeněk has a family.’”

“You joined the party to bring about a change. Did you succeed?” – “No, I didn’t. Already at the time of my candidacy for membership I found out that I was but a makeweight. There were no Party meetings in the firm and since there was no plenary, one couldn’t voice their opinions. The district office simply sent in instructions and the management applied those for the operation of the factory, asking nobody. For me, this was serious disillusionment but there was no way back. Had I left the party, I would have made myself untrustworthy and lost any chance for career rise. I wouldn’t have been accepted to the university after seven years and, following graduation, I wouldn’t have gotten to federal state administration.”

“What was your relation to the Communist Party?” – “I didn’t like it because at the time of the Prague Spring and then again after 21 August 1968 we got to learn many things which had been hidden from us. Based on this information, many of us got the impression that a lot of the party members are gangsters and evil people. I wouldn’t have had applied for membership at all had the party not had a leading role in managing the state. I was naïve to think that if I join I would have an opportunity to influence things for the better.”